Help! My House Is a Vortex of Chaos and I Can’t Get Anything Done
You know what really grinds my gears?
A lot of uneducated people pretending to be super rocket geniuses, not listening to expert guidance, and prolonging a damn epic pandemic.
Thanks to them, I’m still stuck in a tiny house with a wife who’s virtual teaching, an eight-year-old who’s virtual learning, and a three-year-old who absolutely refuses to shit on the potty.
Not to mention my geriatric chihuahua who basically leaves a trail of shit and piss behind her everywhere she goes and the other chihuahua who wouldn’t stop barking if you tore out his bark box.
Achieving a flow state? Impossible. The deep work department just went out of business. Thanks, Corona.
Maybe I should just do a better job adulting
You think I haven’t thought of that? You think my therapist hasn’t thought of that? You think you’ve got all the answers? Shut the fuck up, you armchair quarterback.
I very much already feel like a failure on multiple fronts anyway. There’s no need for an instant replay from the peanut gallery.
So before you launch into all the tried and true solutions you heard from Benjamin fucking Hardy that are surely gonna work for absolutely everyone in the multiverse regardless of their own personal situation, maybe just zip it. Mmkay, asshole?
“Nate, the stoics wouldn’t complain.”
Oh, okay. Well they died. You think I’m going to take advice from somebody who died? Failures, the lot of ’em. Tell Marcus Aurelius I said, “eat a dick.” Oh wait, you can’t. Because he’s DEAD.
Well I could just wake up early
Yeah, sure, waking up before the rest of the family to be productive, genius idea. It would be amazing if it actually worked you cockwomble.
Instead, you get one of these scenarios:
- Your kids sixth sense wakes them up too
- You’re absolutely not a morning person, can’t get anything done, and just dick around the whole time
- Your kids wreck your sleep and you can’t wake up in the morning anyway
Before you mention it, sure, I could abandon my family, but even when nobody’s here I still can’t produce anything worthwhile until at least some time in the afternoon.
I’ve always been this way. I had to repeat one college class. It was at 8am three days a week and all the old geezer did was read from PowerPoint slides and give us multiple-guess tests on the information. Repeating that class was absolute hell.
In fact, even after taking that waking nightmare of a class twice I still can’t remember what the fuck it was about. I’d have to have the school pull my transcripts to figure it out.
So no, I won’t be doing anything like getting up early in the morning. Not now, and not ever.
I could stay up after everyone else goes to bed
Please. These motherfuckers never go to bed.
Even if they do, I’m so absolutely fatigued by the end of the day that I’m completely worthless. As worthless as someone else's opinion of my life.
A short list of my maladies includes but is not limited to: lifelong depression, anxiety, psoriasis, arthritis, chronic pain, fatigue, and severe lactose intolerance. But hey, at least my dick works. *knocks on wood
The only thing propping me up like Weekend at Bernie’s every day is a veritable cocktail of potentially cancer-causing medications and the desire to outlive every last one of my enemies so I can piss on their graves. Maybe I’ll take a shit too if I’m feeling it. I’m not sure, I’ll have to play it by ear.
But yeah, you get the picture. Fatigue sets in by late evening and I shut off like an iPhone at 5%.
I could separate my work and home life somehow
The so-called experts recommend having separate work and home spaces especially if you’re used to going to a different physical space for work.
What they don’t realize is that I live in a god damn “tiny home” sized condo because the cost of a single-family home is so far out of reach in America, the land of income inequality.
They also expect your workspace to be quiet. Who the fuck are these people?
My three-year-old is basically a meme of the meme about raising a boy. He never stops moving until he passes out at night. He rages against stillness. He is Ryan Holiday’s worst fucking nightmare.
He will interrupt you with questions and demands. He will invade your personal space and climb all over your head. He will press every single button on your keyboard and demand to watch Blippi on your monitor. Super Nanny ain’t got shit on this kid.
He’s literally one of those “if he was born first we wouldn’t have had more kids” kids. Crush my testicles in a vice grip, please.
My wife is a teacher, so schedules and other such nonsense are all non-starters in this house. She’s basically working all the time. But go ahead and take your dumbass on the Facebook comments section and talk about how teachers need to “get back to work.” I’m over it!
The only solution to the chaos of the pandemic
“As leaders, we must be compassionate and recognize everyone’s journey is uniquely theirs and we must place mental health as a priority.”
Compassion is the key. Not just for leaders, but for all of us.
We all have to strive to be compassionate to everyone because every journey is unique and the problems we face do not have universal solutions.
And aren’t we all leaders at different times anyway?
So you’ve gotta summon compassion for your employees, your spouse, and your children. Have compassion for well-meaning readers who just wanna help you out. Don’t stoop so low that you’d call them cockwombles and armchair quarterbacks.
And maybe most importantly: have compassion for yourself.
Do the best you can, as you can, and treat yourself with love.
But also maybe we should use the power of The Secret to manifest a vaccine in case the compassion thing doesn’t pan out.